The Lelo Mega Review!

This past week, Lelo launched two new products, the Luna Smart Bead and the Ora 2. They were kind enough to send me one of each to review. Along with the toys, they also sent me a lovely gift bag full of goodies, and I’d like to review two of the products from that as well. If you decide to purchase any of these products, please use my affiliate link!

First up: The Luna Smart Bead LELO_LUNA-Smart-Bead_Product_Pink_1

This product is designed to help strengthen pelvic floor muscles. It’s a relatively small little gadget, shaped sort of like a big flattened jelly bean with a little loop on one end. The idea is you turn it on, insert it, and it buzzes to remind you to do a Kegel. It’s a very low buzz, not like vibrator strength, which takes it squarely out of the “sex toy” category.

This one really wasn’t for me, for several reasons. First: I already have some pretty damn strong pelvic muscles. The Luna Smart Bead is definitely for people who need to develop some muscle tone down there. Next reason: I couldn’t get used to wearing it around. I’m probably one of the five women on earth who doesn’t use tampons, I’m guessing those who do wouldn’t mind this as much. Last reason, (this is totally on me and not the device) I’ve been doing physical therapy for several months due to a nasty knee injury and this just felt like one more thing I had to squeeze (no pun intended) into my physical routine.

The Luna Smart Bead is battery powered, unlike most of their rechargeable products. I had some difficultly with the settings. At first I thought I’d put a bad battery in it, and went to find another one, but then I heard it buzzing by the time I came back. Also, since you fully insert it, you have to take it out and clean it off, change the setting, then reinsert it…I think? I’m fairly sure there’s something to this I’m missing. There are supposed to be 5 settings, but I can’t figure out if it’s by pushing the button or if it just gradually goes through all the speeds. I also couldn’t figure out how to turn it off, so I’ve just been taking the battery out when I’m done.

If there was ever a candidate for product with a remote control, this is it.

I can see the appeal of the Luna Smart Bead though. Kegels are really tedious, and this is a fun way to do it. I did actually find myself doing regular Kegels more often this past week just by virtue of thinking about the Luna Smart Bead. Sex-wise, we couldn’t feel any difference, because, as I said, I already have plenty of strength in that area.  Buy it here.


Next: The Ora 2.LELO_ORA-2_600x600

I love the original Ora. I did a rave review on the first version and when Lelo said they were doing an updated version, I couldn’t imagine what needed improvement. The difference between the two is like getting oral sex from someone who finally graduated from oral sex school.

The Ora 2 has a much bigger “tongue,” so much bigger that it was the first thing I noticed when I opened it. It moves so much slower and more deliberate. In comparison, the Ora is like the overeager partner that wants to get you off right now, while the Ora 2 is the more relaxed and languid lover. I held one in each hand and ran through all the cycles (ten, I believe). The vibrations seem just a bit more heavier with the newer version, but not a lot…and that’s fine. The vibe power is pretty damn strong, but pleasurable strong, not-numb-your-bits-before-you-come strong. I love this toy so hard.

The only thing I could wish for, as mentioned in my original Ora review, is a setting to make the little robot tongue simply move up and down. The only movements are circular (including semi-circular), and the up and down is my preference when I’m getting the real thing.  Buy it here.

These next two products were sent along as goodies. I wasn’t asked to review them, but I’m loving them so much that I want to tell you about them anyway. The Personal Moisturizer is a top notch water based lubricant. My partner said it felt like I was really, really wet, not lubed up. It’s not greasy, heavy, or sticky, it feels so natural. It didn’t dry out, and we didn’t have to stop and apply more. This is absolutely my new go-to lube.

The other gift I received was their toy cleaning spray. It’s antibacterial, smells clean but not like chemicals. Spray it on, wait five seconds, wipe it off. Easy peasy, and cleans very well. Love this stuff so much.

As always, many thanks to Lelo for providing me with so much lovely stuff to review!



Lelo Ora 2 Launches Today!

Lelo is announcing *another* launch today! I’m really excited about this one. I reviewed the ORA a few months ago, and it blew me away. The LELO_ORA-2_600x600ORA 2 is an upgraded version, and it promises to be even better. I’ll give my full review after I’ve had a little more time to complete an *ahem* thorough investigation.

Here’s what Lelo has to say:

Swedish luxury intimate brand LELO today reveals an update to the world’s most sophisticated oral sex simulator and the first ever sex toy to win a Cannes Lions Award, announcing the launch of the all new ORA™ 2.

The ORA™ 2 simulates the sensations of oral sex for women. Its landmark feature is a swirling nub, now enhanced for extra pleasure, that rotates beneath a thin layer of silicone, creating sensual circles and fast flicks to stimulate the clitoris, while combining surging vibrations across 10 stimulation patterns.

The ORA™ 2 is an updated improvement, featuring LELO’s SenseTouch™ technology that increases the intensity of vibrations as pressure is applied to the body. It’s the world’s most intelligent oral sex simulator, and now it’s better than ever.

ORA™ first hit the international market in January and received an unprecedented amount of media attention. The video for ORA™ is the most viral sex toy video of all time, with over a half a million views and counting, and is the first and only sex toy to ever win a Cannes Lions Award.

LELO Head of Marketing Steve Thomson said: “LELO is the industry leader and the most innovative sex toy company in the world. Our attitude is to always improve, even if products are so highly regarded as to win a Cannes Lion. With ORA™ 2 we’re once again pushing the boundaries of design to bring pleasure to individuals and couples worldwide.”

The ORA™ 2 is available for $169 USD at and all reputable sex toy retailers.


I’d love it if you use my affiliate link when you purchase your ORA2 :)

Lelo Luna Smart Bead Launches Today!

My favorite sex toy company, Lelo, is launching a new product today: The Luna Smart BeadLELO_LUNA-Smart-Bead_Product_Pink_1

So, what is the Luna Smart Bead exactly? In short, it’s a slick little device that you insert and use to help strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. Stronger muscles= better orgasms, and who doesn’t want that?

Since today is the big launch, here’s a video and some more information directly from Lelo:


LELO has some very exciting news…Women everywhere no longer have to settle for mediocre orgasms!

The Swedish sex toy brand today announced the launch of the world’s first personal pleasure training device – the LUNA Smart Bead™- which aims to help three-quarters of the world’s women achieve the level of orgasm they have always wanted.

Recent findings from the LELO Global Sex Survey and customer questionnaires reaffirm how dissatisfied women currently feel about their ability to climax, with 76% of women only experiencing ‘the wave of orgasm’ for less than six seconds, while as much as 11% have yet to experience a climax at all.
The LUNA Smart Bead™ solves this issue by setting a personal pleasure training routine according to the woman’s current orgasm potential. As one of the most advanced LELOs ever created, women wear it internally while touch-sensors set a progressive training routine that helps maximize their ability to climax.
While it is common knowledge that women take more stimulation to orgasm than men, LELO’s Global Survey reveals a number of interesting facts about the female orgasm itself:
76% of women claim their orgasm wave lasts less than six seconds
11% of women have never experienced what they would describe as a climax
Only 4% of women are ‘Fully satisfied’  with the strength of their orgasms
Only 17% of women regularly experience multiple orgasms
33% of women believe they have never experienced a multiple orgasm
LELO’s Head of Marketing, Steve Thomson said: “As the survey findings show, a huge majority of women could be enjoying more satisfying orgasms on a regular basis. But every woman is also different, so our design team developed the LUNA Smart Bead™ that uses touch-sensors to measure orgasm potential on first use. Just like all good personal trainers, it then sets a tailored routine that matches your current level and helps you improve your performance over time.”
The LUNA Smart Bead™ is already enjoying widespread praise from renowned sexual health experts globally:
Dr Ian Kerner, Sexual health expert and Author of She Comes First Said: “It’s well-known by now that Kegel exercising aids not only shorten the length of time needed to reach orgasm, but also increase its intensity and duration. A vibration-guided routine such as the one LELO is offering will help women focus on exercising in the correct way, and they will reap fantastic rewards as a result.”

The LUNA Smart Bead™, with its promise of offering longer, stronger orgasms for every woman, retails for $109 USD and is available at all major sex toy retailers or direct via


I’ll be reviewing the Luna Smart Bead within the upcoming week, so stay tuned! I also have another product announcement/review coming soon from Lelo that promises to be probably their best toy ever. As always, I’d appreciate it if you use my affiliate link when you make a purchase from Lelo.


Listen to the podcast and sign up for my newsletter

The audio from the latest Dirty Boys reading is up! You can listen to the entire show (in two parts) here, or you can listen to my portion of the evening here.

I’ve started a newsletter. I’m calling it Blind Spot for various mysterious reasons. If you want to read a bit more in depth stuff about me, subscribe. I can’t promise it will be about sex ever, or it might always be about sex. I don’t know yet. I do know that I’ve sort of lost my inspiration for writing lately, and I’m trying something new to ramp it back up. If you are only interested in reading about titties, blowjobs, or pissing or whatever, please *don’t* subscribe. This won’t be for you.

Subscribe to the newsletter here.

Fun stuff from The Dirty Boys reading in NYC

So much filthy, dirty, fun stuff happened at the latest reading! I read a few sections from “My Girlfriend Jake,” as well as a few pieces from the blog. One new thing we tried was a writing prompt. Readers sent in various prompts and photos, and we picked one by the very lovely Piper. Each of us read our interpretation of the photo below. Here’s mine, and I’ll link to the other pieces at the end. I will post links to the audio as soon as it’s available. This was a hell of a show, so many amazing stories!


prompt photo

Writing Prompt:

“Show me your new tattoo, did you get something pretty?” Daddy asked me. I stepped out of my little plaid skirt and pulled my panties down around my ankles and waited for his reaction.

“I see,” was all Daddy said. He frowned and turned away. My heart thudded so hard that for a moment, I felt like I was going to pass out.

“Growing old is a crime, eh?” he said quietly. I didn’t need to translate it for him. I stood very still as he walked in slow circles around me. He stroked his graying beard thoughtfully. He stopped in front of me and crossed his arms in front of his chest. I looked down at my feet, avoiding his gaze. Maybe I hadn’t thought this through as much as I should have.

“Did those boys you’ve been with fuck you better than me?” he growled suddenly.

“No, Daddy,” I whimpered, still not meeting his eyes.

“Did those boys punish you better? Maybe you’d be happier being the fuck toy of someone your own age?” Daddy was so angry, more than I’d ever seen.

“No Daddy,” I trembled. He paced across the room, deciding what to do with me. He stood by the open door for a moment, and I was afraid he was going to order me to leave. What had I done?

Instead, he paced back over to me, grabbing a handful of my hair. “I’ll show you what kind of punishment an old man can still inflict,” he hissed in my ear. Daddy marched me over to the bed and flung me across his lap.

I bit my lip to hold back a smile as his favorite strap whistled through the air. I’d thought this through exactly right.


Read Guy New York’s post here.

Here’s Gibson Grand’s interpretation.

And one from Jack Stratton!



Dirty Boys Reading in NYC on September 7th



Once again I’m heading to New York City and teaming up with the Dirty Boys to bring you an evening of literary debauchery. I’ll have a limited number of copies of “My Girlfriend Jake” available. If you’ve been to a reading before, please note the change in venue. If you’ve never been to a reading before, you are in for a delicious, fantastic, filthy evening.

In which Daisy posts the first chapter of the novel of doom that’s been hanging over her head

So, I’ve been puttering around on and off with this novel for a few years. I was on a roll with it when I got into a car accident last summer, and then I just kind of stopped…I had a hand injury that made it hard to type more than a little bit.

I’m trying desperately to get off my ass and finish it now that my hand is better and I’ve run out of excuses, so mostly as encouragement to myself (and a kick in the ass), I’m publishing the first chapter here. Thoughts? Keep going? Burn it to the fucking ground? I’m around 50,000 words into it, give or take:


 The House of Nobles

Lexi snatches the crimson envelope out of my hand as I try to hide it from her.

“You applied?” she asks with a smirk.

I nod.

“When did this come? Why haven’t you opened it?” Lexi shakes it in front of my face.

“A couple weeks ago, I guess,” I shrug.

“What the fuck? It’s time to find out.” Before I can protest, she rips the top from the envelope. The tear is long and jagged, the crimson envelope looks like a bloody mouth.

Lexi lets the envelope float to the floor as she unfolds the thick cream colored pages. She reads for a moment, then looks at me dramatically over the tops of her glasses as she reads aloud:


Dear Valeria,

Your application has been accepted. Please report to the Prospect selection, date and time noted below. Enclosed is your transportation ticket, waivers, and rules and regulations. Please bring all completed paperwork with you on your selection day.



Head of the Academy,

The House of Nobles


Lexi rifles through the pages and holds up a printed ticket edged in that same deep crimson.

“That’s only two days from now, Val!”

I snatch the ticket and the sheaf of papers from Lexi and throw them on the table.

“Do you even know why you want to do this?” Lexi asks me.

“I…I’ve always wanted to be a Noble,” I stutter. It’s all I can think of to say, my mind suddenly seems blank. They’ve accepted me, that’s all that matters. I can go if I want.

Lexi looks at me, eyebrow cocked, hands on her hips. “Val, a few years ago you always wanted to be a veterinarian. Before that you wanted to be a singer.” She puts her arm around my shoulder, squeezing me with a little side hug. “Sweetie, let’s be honest. You’re sort of pretty and all, but you really aren’t Noble material.”


“It’s not about being pretty, it’s about being dedicated to something, bigger than yourself,” I argue, pushing her away.

“Oh, I see. Did you take that right from the brochure?” Lexi asks sarcastically.

“Does it matter? I can’t take this anymore, this nothingness of a life. I’m sick of it all Lex, I need something else,” I fight back tears. I can’t make her understand. Lexi has a good life, an interesting job, everything comes easy to her while I can never catch a break. She’s gorgeous, people stop and stare at her long blond waves and shining blue eyes. I feel like a study in brown. Brown hair, brown eyes. Nothing sparkles or shines. Not even a dimple.

I’m tired of everything. Sitting in the same beige cubicle, answering the same beige plastic phone, listening to the same complaints. I’m tired of trudging home under murky gray skies, watching the world flicker by one channel at a time. I’m tired of the unceasing chatter. I don’t care what movie star fucked who, or what new weapon is being developed in what might as well be a galaxy far, far away.

“What about Ryan? What does he think about all this?” she asks, folding her arms.

Ryan. Shit. Continue reading

Ora by Lelo Review

Oh. My. God. I’m absolutely blown away.LELO-ORA-Midnight Blue-Clitoral Vibrator_1

Okay, honestly I agreed to review the Lelo Ora for the novelty. Lelo makes a damn fine line of products, but this one was so bizarre that I had to see it for myself.

It’s an oral sex simulator. A tiny pussy licking robot tongue. It’s almost spooky to watch the little disembodied tongue tip swirl around in a circle underneath the surface.

It’s shaped more like a bangle bracelet than anything. It’s rounded, the controls are on one side, the tongue area on the other. It’s actually the perfect shape to hold between your legs, totally hands free.

As with the other toys by Lelo, this one has several different speeds and settings, and is fully rechargeable. The “tongue” goes either around in a full circle, or in a half circle,accompanied by different strengths and patterns of vibrations. After playing with the settings awhile, I decided I would really have liked an up and down motion as well.

This is a toy to inflict on the very, very bad (or very, very good). It’s pure foreplay, and not just sorta-getting-warmed-up kind. This is the full blown, panty soaking, begging for sex type of foreplay. Two minutes in and I’m dripping wet and dying for a good fucking, I’ve never had that with a sex toy before. This would be the perfect toy for tying someone up, ordering her to hold it between her thighs, and then coming back in five or ten minutes to a quivering, wet mess, ripe for fucking.

So what does it really feel like? Not quite like a real tongue, I don’t think I’d ever mistake it for one. It’s more of a gentle, roving pressure, maybe like a light swipe of a finger. Coupled with the powerful vibrations, it doesn’t fall into that numbing, droning type of toy that you numb to in a matter of minutes. It’s exciting, there’s a little anticipation there while you wait for the next pass.

Could I come from this? So far, no, but that’s not a deterrent in the least. (My partner has an oral fetish, so the bar is set *very* high.) This has some super strong foreplay mojo. Use it either by yourself to finish off with a different toy, or to get revved up for that special someone.The Ora is in a class all its own.

If you wouldn’t mind buying this using my affiliate link, I’d love you forever :)













Fiction: Tony B.

Tony B.

I was the bouncer and assistant manager at Starzz. Rachel. That girl. I had to bail her ass out of trouble all the fucking time. “Honey,” I’d tell her, “you gotta stop going off with the fucking clients. At least get more cash outta them.” Some of the girls did that, I’d look the other way.

I really wanted a split of her profits, but she didn’t get it. I had to get Tiff to explain it to her. She was already going by Zara then. Fucking beautiful, so young, but not a goddamn clue. Couldn’t dance for shit either, but she’d suck a dick for a fucking buck. She sucked me off a few times. Nothing special, but she had enthusiasm. Yeah. I banged nearly all those chicks back in the day. Those were the fucking days, man.

Anyways. Yeah.

Kid could have been a fucking doctor or lawyer, she could do all kinds of math in her head. I think she was still in college back then. We didn’t ever have no college girl before. Most of our dancers were single moms or junkies hanging off of one side of the wagon or another. I don’t know what the fuck she was doing here. I didn’t hire her, the old man did. Pervert. Anyways, she helped me with the count sometimes. I’d be sittin’ there with a calculator and a million scraps of fucking paper, and she’d have it all figured out before I could finish putting all the numbers in. I double checked her math the first couple times, but after that I took her word for it.

“Baby,” I’d tell her, “You should be at one of those high class joints, like Stiletto’s there over on Fifth Street.” She seemed to like it here though. I don’t know why.

Had to tell her to dumb it down with the clients. Scary fucking smart, but that’s not why guys came in you know. They didn’t want homework help, they wanted to get their dicks hard, see some chicks taking off their clothes. Titties. They wanted titties and pussy. Zara had some nice fucking titties. She didn’t need no implants or nothing.
I told Tiff take her out to get them contact lenses, but the clients started complaining. They liked her glasses. She looked like a fucking librarian. I didn’t like that shit, I like my girls to have a little glitz, you know, but, hey, they was the ones paying. I was just the bouncer, what the fuck did I know, right?

I’d love to say that she got discovered at Starzz, maybe it would still be open. Maybe it coulda been a classy place. Champagne instead of pitchers of beer. Real fucking headliners coming in. But she didn’t. She moved out to LA before that. I did make some money off Ebay though. Had some old shit lying around, some old costume shit that I ended up with when the place closed, some things she’d written on. Made a few bucks from that. I sold it too early, though. I should have waited.