I’m sitting on a brown plaid couch at my boyfriend Gary’s house, but he isn’t here. My best friend, Amanda, is in the bedroom fucking Brett, Gary’s older brother. It’s not even noon and she already fucked a guy named Richie this morning.  It’s my freshman year of high school, she’s an 8th grader.

I flip through TV channels, cranking the volume to drown out the sounds from the bedroom. School photos line the living room walls. In every one, Gary’s big crooked brown glasses cast awkward shadows across his face. Brett is the handsome one. In his photos, he poses with trophies from track, football, tennis, as if coming in first was just his natural place in the world. His blue and white varsity jacket hangs off a chair, laden with medals.

I find something to watch, then doze off.  Amanda wakes me up by gently shaking my shoulder. Her moon face is flush and her ponytail has come undone. “Brett wants to talk to you,” she says, gesturing towards the bedroom. Brett is standing naked in the doorway. I’ve never seen a naked guy in real life before. He gently takes my hand and leads me towards the bed. I realize this is his parents room, unless he’s in the habit of wearing a pink bathrobe and smoking a pipe. I sit down on the corner of the bed, staring at him in disbelief. I ask him what he wanted to talk to me about. Brett laughs, then starts to unbutton my shirt.

“Amanda said you wanted to talk to me,” I repeat, still not getting it. Brett eases me towards the bed, then pulls my shorts down over my knees. “Oh!” I exclaim. Now I get it. “But I’m your brother’s girlfriend!”   “I know,” he says as he lays on top of me. The sheets are still damp. I feel him fumble around in the space between our legs, then he starts to thrust forward. “Wait!” I say, “Shouldn’t you use a…um…a condom?” He mutters under his breath, then goes into the bathroom for a moment, then comes back to the bed with a condom in his hand.

After he unrolls the condom, Brett spits on his hand and rubs around between my legs. I wince when he enters me. I don’t know enough to move around, I just lay there. He stops for a second, looks at me wide-eyed, then says, “Holy shit, you really are a virgin, aren’t you?”

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, so I look at the yellowing brown floral wallpaper. Sweaty brown curls stick to the back of his neck. He smells really good. Later I find out it’s Stetson, which I’ll compulsively shoplift for the next few years.  He keeps pumping away but doesn’t kiss me. Suddenly he grunts loudly, then rolls off me. I put my clothes back on and stagger back out into the living room. Amanda asks if I liked it, but I don’t know. We leave and walk  the two miles back to her house, and my underwear is all sticky and damp by the time we get there.

Amanda spends the night at my house. My mom leaves for the night shift around ten, and a few minutes later a car pulls up. It’s Gary and his friend, Richie, but not the same Richie that Amanda fucked this morning.  We crowd onto the couch to watch TV, and soon Amanda and Richie Number Two are pawing at each other. When they start to make out,  I gesture to Gary to follow me and we go upstairs to my room.

I smooth out my pink comforter and knock a dozen stuffed animals off my bed. Gary moves in to kiss me and I blurt  “I lost my virginity to your brother today.” He winces and says “I know. Brett already rubbed it in.” He stretches back on the bed, then pulls me on top of him. “So,” he says, “It’s only fair that I get my turn now,” and starts to unbutton my shirt.