“Did you come?” asks Will.

“No,” I huff in frustration. “I just can’t get there. It’s me, not you.”

Will wipes his hand off on the towel. I lay back on the bed and stare at the ceiling while he lights a cigarette. I hate this. We’ve both agreed that sometimes one of us just can’t come and it’s no one’s fault. It just is, but it’s no less frustrating when it happens.

I watch Will as he reclines in the chair, still naked. A streak of sunshine cuts across one shoulder, highlighting a gentle curve in his arm. I watch his muscles flex as moves around, lights a cigarette, takes a drink. I’m so lucky I found him, we’re a perfect fit for each other, he’s smart, funny, an incredible fuck. I love the arch of his back, the slight bend of his cock…

“What?” I catch Will watching me just as intently.  I realize I’ve been slowly dipping my finger in and out of my cunt while I watch him.

“Masturbate for me,” he says.

I blush, feeling  the heat rush through my body. I’ve done plenty of terribly dirty things, but masturbating in front of someone? That’s my time, only for me. A new thrill ripples, ending with a little spasm in my pussy, suddenly I’m ready to fuck some more.

“Fuck me instead,” I plead.

“Go fuck yourself,” he replies with an evil smile.

Fine. I decide if he wants a show, then that’s what he’ll get.  I spread my legs wider, lick the tip of my finger and rub my clit.

“Hang on a minute,” Will says. He returns with a tumbler of whiskey and lights another cigarette.

“Did you want some popcorn too?”  I ask sarcastically.

Will scoots the chair closer to the end of the bed. I glare at him. “Please?” he asks, taking my fingers in his mouth. He wets them, guides my hand back to my pussy, then sits back in the chair.

I ease two fingers in and out of my cunt slowly, teasing him.

“Do you like that?” he purrs.

“Not really, fingering never did much for me, honestly,” I answer, deciding I’d rather come than entertain him

“Show me what you do when you’re alone,” Will says quietly, “That’s what I want to see.”

I’ve been using the same method since I discovered masturbation, before I even knew there was a word for it. I’m more than a little horrified. It just seems too intimate.

“I feel like a dork,” I reply, “I don’t think this will be very sexy.”

“Will you get off?” he asks.

“Guaranteed,” I answer.

“Show me.”

I sigh, then flip onto my belly. I find the edge of the thickest blanket, wad it up between my legs and start to slowly hump it. I’ve done this nearly daily as far back as I can remember, but never with an audience. I’m usually under the covers, in my panties or my pajamas, off in my own little fantasy world.  I feel naked and exposed, humiliated. I rub my body back and forth against the blanket edge, bobbing my ass up and down as I go.

I hear the chair creak, then I feel a shift on the bed. I turn my head to see Will sitting next to me.

“Oh my God,” he breathes, “that’s beautiful.”

“Yeah?” I gasp, “I feel like an idiot.”

“No, no, you’re…fuck, that’s hot,” Will says, “I love the way you move your ass. No wonder you fuck me so good.” He places one hand on the small of my back, feeling my body undulate. The heat of his hand spreads through me, dissolving the shyness. I grind faster.

“Come for me,” he whispers.

I try to let my mind go, searching for that place I explore alone, but I can’t quite find it. I need something more.

“Help,” I groan.

“What should I do?” he asks.

“Hurt me.”

I turn my head and look away, squeezing my eyes shut. His hand strikes my ass with a loud smack. I thrash under his hand as he presses down on my ass, restricting my movements. Then he straddles me, grabbing a handful of my hair, yanking my neck back. I buck and roll under him, trying both to fight and submit at the same time.

One firm hand covers my mouth and nose, pinching off my air. I struggle, a desperate match between the need to breathe and the need to come. I’m not sure which I want more. Before I can decide, Will removes his hand from my face. Still straddling my back, he reaches around under me, grabbing a breast in each hand. He squeezes, his strong hands crushing my tits. The shock of white pain erases everything except the electric surge straight to my cunt.

Will squeezes my tits harder, capturing my nipples between his fingers. I come as he clamps down, the pain shoots across my chest, my pussy throbs. Before I can even finish the orgasm, Will flips me over and fucks me, coming almost instantly.

“Beautiful,” he sighs, caressing my face. “That was just beautiful.”

9 thoughts on ““Did you come?” asks Will.

  1. Beautiful post. Thank you for being so open and telling such powerful and interesting stories about your life. Its funny, but I never knew anyone else did that. Thank you for making me feel less strange. I’m sure I’m not the only woman who read this and thought “Wow, I thought I was the only one.” Haha. Its nice to read something so positive and intimate. You’re fantastic.

  2. I love love love this post. And I do that too, on my own, and with my last partner (lucky for me, she didn’t find it weird). Yes, I’m also glad to know that I’m not the only one who masturbates like that.

  3. My favorite thing about your blog is how keep it real–people sometimes don’t come, or they masturbate weird, or they get embarrassed. I love that the emotions aren’t idealized. (Oh, and the sex is pretty sexy too. :) )

  4. Teaching others that their body is not to be treated as a source of shame, but rather an instrument of wonder, is one of the many joys I’ve shared over the years. Thank you for sharing boldly.

  5. It made me so happy to read that you masturbate the same way I do. :-) I love the communication between the two people in this story, and I love the honesty and the embarrassment because I can relate to it really strongly. Thank you so much.

  6. Reblogged this on Sex Texts and commented:
    A link to this post was just sent to me by a friend, and I found the story fantastic for multiple reasons. I’ll try and unpack it further later today or tomorrow, but my initial take on this story is that I really appreciate the representation of fully consensual BDSM. It’s not related to porn or sex work, but as a representation of multiple intersections of sexuality I think it’s fantastic. I also think that although it qualifies more as memoir than erotica, it could be examined as an expression of feminist pornography (but more thought on that is required).

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s