The first time I had sex with Rachel? We were just kids. Not kids like little kids, but compared to now, you know?
She was cute, long brown hair, real tall. I noticed her in our freshman comp class. Serious. All button down shirts, and pushing her glasses back up kind of serious. It was her first time away from home I think. She didn’t really fit in, but who does when they’re eighteen? We’re all trying on new personalities.
Anyway, freshman comp. It was like she didn’t know how to relax, she raised her hand for everything, even though Mr… Mr. Stevens, was it? Yeah, he would just call on you randomly, but she didn’t catch on. I liked how earnest she was. She was whip fucking smart too. Book smart. She didn’t pretend to know the answer to make herself look good or anything. She really knew it. I could imagine the pep talk someone must of given her the day she left for college “Make this family proud, Rachel!”
It took me until nearly Christmas break to get up the nerve to speak to her. She had no idea how cute she was. I watched other guys try to score with her. It’s not like she blew them off, it was more like she had no idea they were flirting. So I was smart, went the direct route and said “Hey, Rachel, I like you, let’s go out.”
Her face lit all up, that was when I realized how innocent she really was. I’m not even sure she’d been on a date before then. One the one hand, I wanted to protect her. On the other hand, I wanted to bang her silly. She had no fucking idea what she was. I felt like the first guy to connect the dots, to see the X marked on the treasure map. Goddamn.
We didn’t actually go out until after the break, she was overly nice about telling me how she had to go home for the holidays, what day and time she’d be back. It was like she didn’t want to disappoint me, you know? She called me right the moment she got back to the dorms, all explaining who she was, like I’d forget. I couldn’t forget, who could forget Rachel?
Our first date was ridiculous. I’d never tell her that, though. It was so ridiculous and it made me fall for her even harder. We met at the burger place across campus. She was waiting when I got there. She was pretending to study, but I could see her look up at everyone walking through the door ahead of me. When I sat down across from her, she’d ordered a fucking milkshake with two straws. I remember thinking “This girl has seen too many Archie comics” or something. Did they even really do that in the 50’s? Mind you this was the early 90’s. Most girls I knew back then would have been doing blow at the table.
So polite. She asked me about my family, what my parents did, about my major. I felt like I was being grilled by somebody’s mother. All I wanted was to get into her pants at that point, so I played along. After about an hour of this, she…get this…she thanked me for the lovely evening and shook my fucking hand.
She left and I was just flabbergasted. What the fuck was that? I left the restaurant and caught up with her. I think I startled her a little.
“Hey,” I said, “I don’t mean to be rude or anything but, was this like your first date ever?”
Oh my God, did she blush. I thought she might cry, but she pulled it together and said yes.
“Is it that obvious?” she asked me.
I brought her back to my place. I wasn’t living in the dorms. My older brother was a senior, and I were sharing an apartment with a couple other guys. So it was cool.
I tried to kiss her that night, but she was so nervous that she turned her head and I ended up kissing her cheek instead. We both acted like I meant to do that.
I should stop right here and mention that I wasn’t exactly Casanova or anything myself. I’d been with a few girls, but it was casual, fucking in the backseat of my dad’s car kind of thing. I’d never really fallen for someone before. I thought I had, but when I was with Rachel, I realized I really never had before.
There was something about her.
Anyway, we went on a few of these little awkward dates. It seems like it took her awhile to warm up to me. Finally, thank God, one night she kissed me. I don’t know why, she sort of just lunged at me, it was like the dam had broken. After that…wow.
I took her virginity on her nineteenth birthday. I remember this because she kind of made a big deal about the whole thing. She was scared, hell, after all that build-up, I was afraid I wasn’t going to get it up myself.
So, this is how it happened, like I said, awkward dates, the kiss, we had about a month when we made out for hours, but she wouldn’t go further. So, like when I asked her out the first time, I came right out and told her I wanted to have sex with her.
What I wanted was to fuck her like crazy, but that might have scared her off. I think I actually used the words “make love.” On her birthday, I took her out, we went back to my place like usual, and when we walked in the door she said “I’m ready.”
I could have died right there. “Are you sure?” I said. I didn’t press too hard because I didn’t want to talk her out of it.
She let me undress her, all those fucking buttons, her cardigan, her blouse. Fuck, I wouldn’t have been surprised to see a girdle at that point. “You should wear t-shirts,” I remember telling her. She did after that too, now that I think of it. She did a lot of things different after that night.
Rachel was perfect. My God. I remember pulling the shirt off her, seeing her shoulders, her bra. Her skin was so smooth, I wanted to stand there and just feel her, you know. I took my shirt off too, so as not to spook her. Then I took her pants off. Her standing there in just her bra and panties. My heart stopped. She let her hair down, it fell around her shoulders. She was like Clark Kent or something. Fuck.
“Do I look okay?” she asked me. I couldn’t believe she was serious.
She had one of those white silky bras with the little pink flower right between her tits. I wanted to eat that little flower off it. White cotton panties, her bush peeking out of it. God.
I unzipped my own pants, it took me a minute to realize she wasn’t going to undress me. I don’t think it even occurred to her that she was supposed to. She sat on the bed and watched me. Totally unnerved me. I nearly fell over trying to get out of them.
I laid on top of her, both of us still in our underwear. We kissed for a long time, finally I reached around and undid her bra. Her tits were beautiful. She was beautiful. She had no idea. I was so gentle with her, when gentle was the last thing I wanted to be. I wanted to fucking devour her.
I grabbed her hand, put it on my crotch over my underwear. I don’t think I ever got so hard so fast. I was afraid I was going to come right there. Thank Christ I’d jerked off earlier, or I would have. I nearly came just putting the fucking condom on.
I’d love to tell you I made her come a hundred times, but it wasn’t like that. She didn’t know what to do other than lie there. I don’t even think it occurred to her to touch me until halfway through, then she kind of clung to me. She was so beautiful though, and then there was me, pumping away at her like a fucking dog or something.
When I finally did come, she said “Thank you.” Thank you? I halfway expected an engraved card from her later on or some shit. It was so funny to me. Later on, of course, it was me that was thanking her. Fuck me, that girl caught on quick. She was a fucking natural in the sack once she got going. Oh man.
We had sex all the time after that, she was insatiable. I had to peel her off me to go to class sometimes. We went on like that, oh, five or six months. I got a little tired of sex to tell you the truth, we sort of traded places. I wanted to go out, take her to the movies or something, but she just wanted to stay in and fuck. The day we broke it off was the day I came back early, there was a cancelled class. I caught her fucking my brother. That was hard, but it was kind of a relief too. After awhile I realized it wasn’t because I was special, it was because I was the first one to ask.
No one knew who she was going to be back then. My wife doesn’t even know, she’d fucking shoot me probably. Ah, she knows we went to the same university, but she doesn’t know I’m the one who took her virginity. I sort of feel responsible, but that girl was a fucking powder keg. Goddamn.
4 thoughts on “Fiction: An interview with Elliott J.”
I like this one a lot. It had a wonderful sense of rawness and desperation that I love.
You are an amazing writer. You truly have a gift for it, your stories are always so perfectly balanced and measured and yet deeply satisfying. Is this part of a longer work?
Maybe, I haven’t decided yet. It’s part of something I started, but then I wrote myself into a corner. After I published this I had another idea of where it could go and maybe I’ll pursue that after I’m finished with the thing I’m currently working on.
This is an exceedingly good story. I want more. How did the breakup go, what did Rachel go on to be, how did that happen, do Elliott have any contact with her now?
You write really, really good. I’m jealous, although I can write somewhat good English, me writing fiction is fiction itself. I just write boring stuff.
I had two hangups on this text however, if you’re looking for something to improve upon. First, it is written in Elliott’s speech language — which is exactly how it should be — but somehow I had some trouble picking up on that: in the second paragraph I stumbled over and over again trying to figure out how it was said. The structure and flow of the sentences, which words had which role or something like that. Maybe a few well-placed commas are in order, maybe more than that… I can’t really put my finger on the problem so I don’t have a solution either, sorry about that!
Second, and much simpler: First he says “I’m not even sure she’d been on a date before then.”, and a little later he tells us how she admitted that was her first date ever. And so the quoted sentence is simply wrong, since he now knows… he *is* not unsure, he *was* unsure.
Anyways, I think this is the first I’ve read of what you’ve written, and I like it. Very much so. I really hope you keep this up, ’cause I look forward to reading more! And so I shall now go digging through your archives :)