The PicoBong TRANSFORMER
I really wanted to like this toy. I loved the message of a gender free toy, fun for everyone. The design was intriguing, fresh and fun. It’s two elongated bulbs, joined by a long, bendable part. The idea is that you can take this toy and use it in any number of creative ways. It sure looked cool.
So, when it came, we were really eager to try this out. However, the first thing we noticed: The hole for the charger IS ON AN INSERTABLE END. There’s a little trap door-like cover for it, sure, but it doesn’t secure down smoothly. There’s a freaking ridge there. Ew. That end immediately became the hot potato. Neither of us wanted that part in us, so we were down to one insertable end. Which sucked, because we really wanted to try it with a vibe end in each person. I mean, that’s the very first thing that comes to mind when you look at it, right?
If poop squicks you out, stop reading this review right now.
All right, so one end. Fine. My guy put the non-charger end in himself, and we tried to wind the other end between his legs around so it would vibrate against me while we had sex. We couldn’t get it to hit me right, and it was feeling uncomfortable in his ass, so he took it out… and this was the most horrifying sex toy moment I’ve ever had.
Look, poop doesn’t gross me out. It’s part of butt play, sometimes it’s not quite as clean as you’d hoped. It happens. I spent many years in health care. Poop and I are well acquainted. But… when he pulled it out…PicoBong has embossed their logo on the end. The end that was in his butt. And we noticed that logo because it was now brown and full of poop. And it was really fucking gross.
I can’t even look at the damn thing now without thinking about that. I haven’t even touched it since then. Instant turnoff. All of five minutes of play, and I’m done. I will never touch this thing again.
Oh, and did I mention the vibrator controls are on the end as well? The end you’re supposed to take out when it’s all lubed up (or worse) and try to press tiny little buttons to change the settings. No one wants to take it out to change the settings. Why would you design it that way?
On the bright side, my guy says he really likes it for masturbating. He wraps it around so it vibrates against his balls. So there’s that. We both agree that moving the controls, the charger, and the logo to a little tab in the middle would vastly improve everything. Basically an entire redesign. Better luck next time, PicoBong.