New boy toys from LELO!

LELO sent my guy two new toys to try out! I’ll be writing up the in depth review soon, and it’s going to be a good one. In the meantime, check out the LOKI the HUGO,  and the BRUNO, you’ll want to add all to your toy chest. Here’s more information on these great new products:

Swedish luxury designer brand LELO launched 3 new male sex toys, destined to rock the world of male pleasure to its core. The HUGO™, the BRUNO™ and the LOKI™ luxury vibrating prostate massagers are ushering in a much needed conversation on the way we view male sexual pleasure in relation to women’s sexual pleasure.

There is a steady and growing trend in men searching on Google for information on prostate massage, evidence that men are becoming more comfortable with their sexualities and that they’re growing envious of how many luxury sex toys there are for women. Men are beginning to demand the same treatment, but there remains a number of myths and misconceptions that need to be busted first.

Introducing The LELO Prostate Massagers

LELO HUGO™
http://www.lelo.com/hugo https://www.lelo.com/hugo

With the potential to offer the most explosive orgasms known to man, HUGO™ is big on power and on innovation. Featuring LELO’s exclusive SenseMotion™ remote control technology, HUGO™ is a prostate massager that represents an entirely new way to think of men’s pleasure – whether it’s part of coupled or solo play. With two powerful motors and 8 variable vibrating settings, HUGO™ is perfectly formed for bigger, better, hands-free orgasms.

LELO BRUNO™
www.lelo.com/bruno LELO_BRUNO_660x330

Expertly crafted to offer accuracy and intensity, BRUNO™ is all about artisanal pleasure. With two powerful motors, one in the curved tip for accurate prostate stimulation and a second in the base, the luxurious BRUNO™ is a prostate massager that packs 6 intense vibration patterns into an expertly crafted body for comfort and hands-free prostate orgasms. Silky silicone and fully waterproof construction make BRUNO™ the most desirable prostate vibrator in the world.

LELO LOKI™
www.lelo.com/loki https://www.lelo.com/loki

For sophisticated men seeking more daring play and the most intense orgasms ever, LOKI™ is the ultimate in luxury prostate massage. Perfectly shaped and angled for sophisticated and powerful prostate stimulation, the waterproof, rechargeable LOKI™ features 8 variable settings for a more adventurous and sophisticated kind of pleasure.

LELO’s new collection of prostate products are accompanied by a new video in collaboration with VProud, featuring real couples discussing prostate massage for the first time and exposing some of those myths.

http://www.youtube.com/user/LELOofficial

Steve Thomson, Global Head of Marketing for LELO said: “For too long prostate massage has been surrounded by myths and regarded as a taboo. It is a topic many men shy away from but just like LELO helped remove the stigma of female pleasure products LELO has now turned its attention to male prostate pleasure too.”

To open up a conversation about prostate pleasure LELO today not only revealed the best prostate massagers available on the market but also released an educational and informative infographic busting the myths around prostate massage.

Did you know when it comes to prostate massage:

• 71% of men are open to trying it,
• 8 out of every 10 women are happy to perform it
• Prostate orgasms are 33% more intense than penile orgasms

In fact “some guys say that a prostate massage feels like the “start of an orgasm,” but it can last a lot longer than a few seconds,” says Dr. Charlie Glickman, author of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners.

On top of feeling amazing, prostate massage can also make erections bigger and even helps to make your sperm stronger too.

What do the experts have to say?

Dr Mark Sircus, a doctor of oriental medicine & pastoral medicine and founder and creator of Natural Allopathic Medicine says: “It is time to stop being squeamish about the prostate sexual gland and embrace our full orgasmic potential.

“When it comes to health, medicine and the best sex it is more than helpful, and pleasurable, to have the right equipment. The LELO HUGO™, BRUNO™ and LOKI™ are suitable for beginners and the experienced in prostate massage and offer the best targeted and powerful stimulation on the market.”

According to Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh, Psychosexual Therapist and Relationship Expert: “Our knowledge of sexual pleasure is pretty new and somehow still limited. There are still misconceptions. Pleasure has not always been a part of our conversations.”

Sexuality educator and host of Sex with Sunny Megatron, Sunny Megatron, says: “Although people of all orientations and genders can and do enjoy prostate play, heterosexual men are the least likely to discuss it openly.

“Although the prostate can be reached with fingers it’s near impossible to do solo without the aid of a tool. If you have a partner to help with the massage it can be very stressful on their fingers, hands, and wrists making it difficult to maintain for long periods. Massagers not only make things easier in that regard, the vibration also gives more pleasure options than a stationary object.”

Charlie Glickman PhD, a sexuality educator, writer, blogger, workshop teacher, and university professor and author of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners says: “Sexual orientation is about who you’re attracted to. What kinds of sensations feel good to you is about where your nerve endings are. Gay men don’t magically get born with extra nerves, and heterosexual men aren’t missing any. Your sexual orientation has nothing to do with what feels good to you.”

Daisy Danger’s School for People Who Want to Write Realistic Sex Right and Other Stuff Too

[I posted this some other places a few months ago, but realized I’ve never posted it here before.]

 

I like to write realistic sex scenes. I also like helping people improve their writing. Let me let you in on a secret. I rarely read erotica. I only read stuff that my other writer friends write, and most of them don’t read erotica either. Let’s face it, most of it is utter shit, and I want to develop this series to show you why it’s bad, and how to fix it. Let’s call today’s lesson: What To Call Your Junk.

What takes me out of a scene immediately? Throbbing members. Oh my god. Go up to someone you’re intimate with and say “throbbing member.” They laughed, didn’t they? You could barely say it with a straight face. So why, oh why, would you use that in writing your sex scene? “Reginald plunged his throbbing member into her.” Ugh.

Rule No. 1: Name your junk. Pick two solid euphemisms per part. I like to use cock and dick. That’s what the majority of people call them, that’s what I can say in bed comfortably without my partner falling out of bed laughing. It doesn’t break the moment in real life, and it won’t in your writing either. “Reginald plunged his cock into her.” See, that’s better.

When Reginald had a “throbbing member” you probably also pictured a whole bunch of other stuff too. Puffy poet shirts and *Fabio like hair blowing in the wind. Regular guys have cocks. You or someone you know likely has a cock. Absurd fairy tale penis-havers have throbbing members.

My go-to words for vagina are pussy and cunt. Yes, cunt is controversial, but I’m vulgar and I don’t give a fuck. That’s what I call it in real life. I tend to use cunt a little more judiciously, though, mostly for rougher sex scenes. There are so many terrible euphemisms for vagina. Slot, box, slit. You aren’t the goddamn mailman. Pick two that you can say, in bed, with a straight face, that’s my rule.

Why two? One gets monotonous: Reginald plunged his dick into her pussy. “Oh, Reg,” she moaned, “your dick is so big and hard.” As she said that, his dick became even harder. “Take my dick, take all of it,” he cried out.

Ew.

Two is a little variety, but it keeps you in the story: Reginald plunged his dick into her pussy. “Oh, Reg,” she moaned, “your cock is so big and hard.” As she said that, he became even harder. “Take my cock, all of it,” he cried out.

So I used both terms there, and even took one reference right out. You know exactly what I mean when I said he became even harder. It ain’t his triceps we’re talking about, you know it, I know it, and Reginald’s partner sure knows it.

I hate reading a piece where the writer uses every bit of cheesy terminology they can think of, it’s distracting. It doesn’t make your piece more interesting, it places it squarely in that bad erotica category. Technically, I generally may use three terms for a longer piece, but I’ll only use it maybe once, and my third word is almost always penis or vagina. It’s just my preference, and that’s how I speak in real life.

That’s it for today’s topic. If this has been helpful to your writing in anyway, let me know.

*I couldn’t remember his fucking name, I had to Google it as “male model hit by bird.”

Review: PINO by LELO

PINO_Product_Black

PINO by LELO

Let’s just skip over the whole “sex toy for bankers” marketing thing and get right to what you really want to know. Does the PINO stand up to the TOR II?

Every single time I’ve been asked by LELO to review another product, the first thing my guy asks is “Is it a new TOR?”  To say we loved the TOR II was an understatement. We’ve burned through two of them, and have been eagerly anticipating a new version.

PINO is a cock ring on steroids. It’s much bulkier, it has the variable speed control, the built-in rechargeable battery. It also has this…cleft thing on top, which apparently is meant to rub up next to and stimulate the female in this equation.

I’m going to go ahead and say it right here: The TOR II is much, much, much better. Why? It’s more compact. The bulk of the PINO means that it takes up more space on the penis. The more space it takes up, the less gets to be inserted into whatever your orifice of choice is. You aren’t getting a deep pounding with this one.

The other problem is the clefty thingie. It never quite fit or rested where it was supposed to on my end, it always missed the mark. With the flat surface of the TOR II, you always had a reliable place to press up against, no matter the position.

The speed/vibration is great, not an issue at all. I’ve come to expect no less from LELO, and that never disappoints. PINO is trying to be too much of a good thing, and it overshot it’s mark. (One amusing tidbit for the people who name the toys: I kept calling the PINO by name, but my guy kept thinking I was asking for pinot, the wine. He just calls it the new TOR.)

If you buy either the PINO or the TOR II, please use my affiliate link!

 

 

 

 

Review: PicoBong TRANSFORMER

 

The PicoBong TRANSFORMER

I really wanted to like this toy. I loved the message of a gender free toy, fun for everyone. The design was intriguing, fresh and fun. It’s two elongated bulbs, joined by a long, bendable part. The idea is that you can take this toy and use it in any number of creative ways. It sure looked cool.

 

transformer_930x336

 

 

So, when it came, we were really eager to try this out. However, the first thing we noticed: The hole for the charger IS ON AN INSERTABLE END. There’s a little trap door-like cover for it, sure, but it doesn’t secure down smoothly. There’s a freaking ridge there. Ew. That end immediately became the hot potato. Neither of us wanted that part in us, so we were down to one insertable end. Which sucked, because we really wanted to try it with a vibe end in each person. I mean, that’s the very first thing that comes to mind when you look at it, right?

 

The charger thingie

The charger hole cover thingie

 

If poop squicks you out, stop reading this review right now. 

All right, so one end. Fine. My guy put the non-charger end in himself, and we tried to wind the other end between his legs around so it would vibrate against me while we had sex. We couldn’t get it to hit me right, and it was feeling uncomfortable in his ass, so he took it out… and this was the most horrifying sex toy moment I’ve ever had.

Look, poop doesn’t gross me out. It’s part of butt play, sometimes it’s not quite as clean as you’d hoped. It happens. I spent many years in health care. Poop and I are well acquainted. But… when he pulled it out…PicoBong has embossed their logo on the end. The end that was in his butt. And we noticed that logo because it was now brown and full of poop. And it was really fucking gross.

The logo

The logo not highlighted in brown

I can’t even look at the damn thing now without thinking about that. I haven’t even touched it since then. Instant turnoff. All of five minutes of play, and I’m done. I will never touch this thing again.

 

Oh, and did I mention the vibrator controls are on the end as well? The end you’re supposed to take out when it’s all lubed up (or worse) and try to press tiny little buttons to change the settings.  No one wants to take it out to change the settings. Why would you design it that way?

Did anyone even consider this when they made it?

Did anyone even consider this when they made it?

 

On the bright side, my guy says he really likes it for masturbating. He wraps it around so it vibrates against his balls. So there’s that. We both agree that moving the controls, the charger, and the logo to a little tab in the middle would vastly improve everything. Basically an entire redesign. Better luck next time, PicoBong.

Here’s the link.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Review: The INA Wave

The brand new INA Wave from LELO  is a resounding hell yes.

LELO_INA-Wave_Packshot_600

The big new feature is the “come hither motion,” which feels like thrusting/fingers. And it feels very, very good. If I was a very thorough reviewer, I’d give you a break down of each setting, but honestly, once I felt the come hither motion, I didn’t care what other settings it had. The INA Wave gave me orgasms so fast and intense they were almost painful, in a good way.

Another feature I love is the dedicated on/off switch. FINALLY! And it remembers your last setting, which is fantastic. No more scrolling through every single variation trying to find the one you want.

There are two changes I’d like to see, however: I wished the insertable end was bigger. A lot bigger. If they made an extra large version of this, I’d buy it in a minute. The other thing I desperately wanted was to be able to adjust the rabbit end. I had to do a lot of wiggling and adjusting to get it to hit my clit. If it was even a teeny bit bendy, it would be a tremendous improvement. I had a flashback to the “That’s not it, nope, not there either…” moment we’ve all felt.

This one is a winner. Between the simulated thrusting and their oral sex simulator ORA line, I am wondering when they plan on launching a full out sex robot. Buy it here (the INA Wave, not the sex robot.) (If you could use my affiliate link that would rock!)

Next up: Tomorrow I will be reviewing the TRANSFORMER from PicoBong.

The Lelo Mega Review!

This past week, Lelo launched two new products, the Luna Smart Bead and the Ora 2. They were kind enough to send me one of each to review. Along with the toys, they also sent me a lovely gift bag full of goodies, and I’d like to review two of the products from that as well. If you decide to purchase any of these products, please use my affiliate link!

First up: The Luna Smart Bead LELO_LUNA-Smart-Bead_Product_Pink_1

This product is designed to help strengthen pelvic floor muscles. It’s a relatively small little gadget, shaped sort of like a big flattened jelly bean with a little loop on one end. The idea is you turn it on, insert it, and it buzzes to remind you to do a Kegel. It’s a very low buzz, not like vibrator strength, which takes it squarely out of the “sex toy” category.

This one really wasn’t for me, for several reasons. First: I already have some pretty damn strong pelvic muscles. The Luna Smart Bead is definitely for people who need to develop some muscle tone down there. Next reason: I couldn’t get used to wearing it around. I’m probably one of the five women on earth who doesn’t use tampons, I’m guessing those who do wouldn’t mind this as much. Last reason, (this is totally on me and not the device) I’ve been doing physical therapy for several months due to a nasty knee injury and this just felt like one more thing I had to squeeze (no pun intended) into my physical routine.

The Luna Smart Bead is battery powered, unlike most of their rechargeable products. I had some difficultly with the settings. At first I thought I’d put a bad battery in it, and went to find another one, but then I heard it buzzing by the time I came back. Also, since you fully insert it, you have to take it out and clean it off, change the setting, then reinsert it…I think? I’m fairly sure there’s something to this I’m missing. There are supposed to be 5 settings, but I can’t figure out if it’s by pushing the button or if it just gradually goes through all the speeds. I also couldn’t figure out how to turn it off, so I’ve just been taking the battery out when I’m done.

If there was ever a candidate for product with a remote control, this is it.

I can see the appeal of the Luna Smart Bead though. Kegels are really tedious, and this is a fun way to do it. I did actually find myself doing regular Kegels more often this past week just by virtue of thinking about the Luna Smart Bead. Sex-wise, we couldn’t feel any difference, because, as I said, I already have plenty of strength in that area.  Buy it here.

 

Next: The Ora 2.LELO_ORA-2_600x600

I love the original Ora. I did a rave review on the first version and when Lelo said they were doing an updated version, I couldn’t imagine what needed improvement. The difference between the two is like getting oral sex from someone who finally graduated from oral sex school.

The Ora 2 has a much bigger “tongue,” so much bigger that it was the first thing I noticed when I opened it. It moves so much slower and more deliberate. In comparison, the Ora is like the overeager partner that wants to get you off right now, while the Ora 2 is the more relaxed and languid lover. I held one in each hand and ran through all the cycles (ten, I believe). The vibrations seem just a bit more heavier with the newer version, but not a lot…and that’s fine. The vibe power is pretty damn strong, but pleasurable strong, not-numb-your-bits-before-you-come strong. I love this toy so hard.

The only thing I could wish for, as mentioned in my original Ora review, is a setting to make the little robot tongue simply move up and down. The only movements are circular (including semi-circular), and the up and down is my preference when I’m getting the real thing.  Buy it here.

These next two products were sent along as goodies. I wasn’t asked to review them, but I’m loving them so much that I want to tell you about them anyway. The Personal Moisturizer is a top notch water based lubricant. My partner said it felt like I was really, really wet, not lubed up. It’s not greasy, heavy, or sticky, it feels so natural. It didn’t dry out, and we didn’t have to stop and apply more. This is absolutely my new go-to lube.

The other gift I received was their toy cleaning spray. It’s antibacterial, smells clean but not like chemicals. Spray it on, wait five seconds, wipe it off. Easy peasy, and cleans very well. Love this stuff so much.

As always, many thanks to Lelo for providing me with so much lovely stuff to review!

 

 

Fun stuff from The Dirty Boys reading in NYC

So much filthy, dirty, fun stuff happened at the latest reading! I read a few sections from “My Girlfriend Jake,” as well as a few pieces from the blog. One new thing we tried was a writing prompt. Readers sent in various prompts and photos, and we picked one by the very lovely Piper. Each of us read our interpretation of the photo below. Here’s mine, and I’ll link to the other pieces at the end. I will post links to the audio as soon as it’s available. This was a hell of a show, so many amazing stories!

 

prompt photo

Writing Prompt:

“Show me your new tattoo, did you get something pretty?” Daddy asked me. I stepped out of my little plaid skirt and pulled my panties down around my ankles and waited for his reaction.

“I see,” was all Daddy said. He frowned and turned away. My heart thudded so hard that for a moment, I felt like I was going to pass out.

“Growing old is a crime, eh?” he said quietly. I didn’t need to translate it for him. I stood very still as he walked in slow circles around me. He stroked his graying beard thoughtfully. He stopped in front of me and crossed his arms in front of his chest. I looked down at my feet, avoiding his gaze. Maybe I hadn’t thought this through as much as I should have.

“Did those boys you’ve been with fuck you better than me?” he growled suddenly.

“No, Daddy,” I whimpered, still not meeting his eyes.

“Did those boys punish you better? Maybe you’d be happier being the fuck toy of someone your own age?” Daddy was so angry, more than I’d ever seen.

“No Daddy,” I trembled. He paced across the room, deciding what to do with me. He stood by the open door for a moment, and I was afraid he was going to order me to leave. What had I done?

Instead, he paced back over to me, grabbing a handful of my hair. “I’ll show you what kind of punishment an old man can still inflict,” he hissed in my ear. Daddy marched me over to the bed and flung me across his lap.

I bit my lip to hold back a smile as his favorite strap whistled through the air. I’d thought this through exactly right.

 

Read Guy New York’s post here.

Here’s Gibson Grand’s interpretation.

And one from Jack Stratton!

 

 

Dirty Boys Reading in NYC on September 7th

DirtyBoys05

 

Once again I’m heading to New York City and teaming up with the Dirty Boys to bring you an evening of literary debauchery. I’ll have a limited number of copies of “My Girlfriend Jake” available. If you’ve been to a reading before, please note the change in venue. If you’ve never been to a reading before, you are in for a delicious, fantastic, filthy evening.