Review: PicoBong TRANSFORMER



I really wanted to like this toy. I loved the message of a gender free toy, fun for everyone. The design was intriguing, fresh and fun. It’s two elongated bulbs, joined by a long, bendable part. The idea is that you can take this toy and use it in any number of creative ways. It sure looked cool.





So, when it came, we were really eager to try this out. However, the first thing we noticed: The hole for the charger IS ON AN INSERTABLE END. There’s a little trap door-like cover for it, sure, but it doesn’t secure down smoothly. There’s a freaking ridge there. Ew. That end immediately became the hot potato. Neither of us wanted that part in us, so we were down to one insertable end. Which sucked, because we really wanted to try it with a vibe end in each person. I mean, that’s the very first thing that comes to mind when you look at it, right?


The charger thingie

The charger hole cover thingie


If poop squicks you out, stop reading this review right now. 

All right, so one end. Fine. My guy put the non-charger end in himself, and we tried to wind the other end between his legs around so it would vibrate against me while we had sex. We couldn’t get it to hit me right, and it was feeling uncomfortable in his ass, so he took it out… and this was the most horrifying sex toy moment I’ve ever had.

Look, poop doesn’t gross me out. It’s part of butt play, sometimes it’s not quite as clean as you’d hoped. It happens. I spent many years in health care. Poop and I are well acquainted. But… when he pulled it out…PicoBong has embossed their logo on the end. The end that was in his butt. And we noticed that logo because it was now brown and full of poop. And it was really fucking gross.

The logo

The logo not highlighted in brown

I can’t even look at the damn thing now without thinking about that. I haven’t even touched it since then. Instant turnoff. All of five minutes of play, and I’m done. I will never touch this thing again.


Oh, and did I mention the vibrator controls are on the end as well? The end you’re supposed to take out when it’s all lubed up (or worse) and try to press tiny little buttons to change the settings.  No one wants to take it out to change the settings. Why would you design it that way?

Did anyone even consider this when they made it?

Did anyone even consider this when they made it?


On the bright side, my guy says he really likes it for masturbating. He wraps it around so it vibrates against his balls. So there’s that. We both agree that moving the controls, the charger, and the logo to a little tab in the middle would vastly improve everything. Basically an entire redesign. Better luck next time, PicoBong.

Here’s the link.








Review: The INA Wave

The brand new INA Wave from LELO  is a resounding hell yes.


The big new feature is the “come hither motion,” which feels like thrusting/fingers. And it feels very, very good. If I was a very thorough reviewer, I’d give you a break down of each setting, but honestly, once I felt the come hither motion, I didn’t care what other settings it had. The INA Wave gave me orgasms so fast and intense they were almost painful, in a good way.

Another feature I love is the dedicated on/off switch. FINALLY! And it remembers your last setting, which is fantastic. No more scrolling through every single variation trying to find the one you want.

There are two changes I’d like to see, however: I wished the insertable end was bigger. A lot bigger. If they made an extra large version of this, I’d buy it in a minute. The other thing I desperately wanted was to be able to adjust the rabbit end. I had to do a lot of wiggling and adjusting to get it to hit my clit. If it was even a teeny bit bendy, it would be a tremendous improvement. I had a flashback to the “That’s not it, nope, not there either…” moment we’ve all felt.

This one is a winner. Between the simulated thrusting and their oral sex simulator ORA line, I am wondering when they plan on launching a full out sex robot. Buy it here (the INA Wave, not the sex robot.) (If you could use my affiliate link that would rock!)

Next up: Tomorrow I will be reviewing the TRANSFORMER from PicoBong.

More new products launch today from LELO!

LELO is going nuts with all these new product launches! Today they are introducing the INA Wave and the MONA Wave. I’ll be reviewing the INA Wave very soon! (I’d love it if you’d use my affiliate link when purchasing anything from LELO.)



LELO Sex Toy, Inspired by Human Touch, Brings in a New Age of Orgasm
Swedish luxury brand LELO has today revealed two new sex toys, the INA Wave™ and MONA Wave™, inspired by the human touch. The products use LELO’s all-new WaveMotion™ technology that enables them to curl up and down to recreate the beckoning, come-hither motion of a lover’s fingers.The LELO Waves are set apart from everything else available on the market thanks to a unique kind of motion, WaveMotion™; a functionality that has long been pursued by sex toy brands, but has never been done well – until now.

The LELO Waves rise and fall within, like the caress of a lover’s fingers. They don’t thrust or pump or expand or rotate like traditional toys, they ebb and flow organically. The technology to create this movement is surprisingly complex, which is why LELO is the only brand with the patience, knowledge, experience and resources to develop it. Steve Thomson, LELO Head of Marketing said: “The pleasure that this innovation offers is truly outstanding. The orgasms that they offer by giving you control of exactly how much pressure is applied to your G-spot are earth-shattering. The LELO Waves give complete control – complete ownership – of your orgasm, introducing a new age of orgasms.” These are the most important and most revolutionary massagers LELO has released since its doors first opened over a decade ago. This is LELO going back to basics to push the boundaries of what’s possible in a sex toy, and to introduce women to the often surprising and always amazing things of which their bodies are capable. The INA Wave™ and MONA Wave™ feature a new silicone handle and control interface, which navigates through 10 modes, and even remembers the last setting used for the next time you turn on.

To celebrate this new way to experience pleasure, LELO has released an intimate guide that goes BENEATH THE SURFACE of orgasms. There is also a great video highlighting these products:
The INA Wave™ and MONA Wave™ retail for $199 and $179 respectively and are available from all good sex toy retailers and online from and

LELO Launches Sex Toy for Bankers

LELO did a heck of a job with the buildup for this launch. (The only thing I could imagine was swimming in a vault of dildos and dollar bills a la Scrooge McDuck.) So, what’s the PINO? A very sexy premium toy for couples. Very, very sexy indeed.

We loved the TOR II, and my guy asks me all the time if they’ve come out with a new version yet. The PINO looks to me like a really interesting re-design, and we can’t wait to try it out. LELO_Pino_packshot_white-bkg_1772

Check out the video right here! 

And here’s the press release:

Stockholm/San Jose – November 19, 2014: Swedish luxury intimate brand LELO has today revealed a new luxury sex toy designed exclusively for bankers. The new PINO™ is the first pleasure object ever created to satisfy the hedonistic sexual cravings and excesses exhibited by members of the financial world, with LELO’s promotional video a testament to the role PINO™ will play in bankers’ lives

Steve Thomson, LELO’s Head of Marketing said: “PINO™ is the ultimate stimulus package, the most exclusive couples ring in the world and is aimed at the Wolves of Wall Street and Gordon Gekkos of our communities. They’re rarely satisfied and always looking for new limits to push, so PINO™ is about meeting those demands and adding a new adventurism to their sex lives.”

Why is LELO launching PINO™ for bankers?

Bankers demand to be the best inside the boardroom and the bedroom, but recent changes in LELO customer buying behavior and industry-growth have prompted the launch:

  • 6% of LELO online sales in 2014 delivered to the cities of New York, Tokyo and London arrive at financial offices and stock exchanges directly.

  • 71% of respondents to LELO’s global sex survey in the +200,000 USD pay bracket owned more than five LELO products and continued to request more stimulation.

  • The sex toy market has transformed into a 15 billion dollar industry, and as a result LELO is taking the lead in targeting more defined consumer groups.

Can you think of a more demanding group to design a sex toy for?” continues Thomson. “For most of us, sex is one of the most wonderful, pleasurable experiences in our lives. In the male-dominated, testosterone-drenched context of banking, it’s an obsession, and that perhaps explains the demands LELO receives and delivery to financial institutions. Bankers are both proud of their sex lives but also want to make sure they’re doing it right. PINO™ is kind of an external consultant in that respect, and as a sex-positive, inclusive brand – LELO creating this product 100% serves a demanding group.”

And what makes PINO™ special for bankers?

PINO™ builds your assets,

The new PINO ™ is a premium couples’ ring worn by men during sex, with its stretchy silicone ring accommodating and enhancing men of all sizes. Its powerful vibrating motor brings enhanced pleasure for her, while ensuring the man will always close the deal with his partner.

It diversifies your position portfolio,

The unique form of PINO™ promises two ways to wear in any position the banker chooses, while its 10 stimulation modes, more than any other rechargeable couples’ ring on the market. That means the banker’s desire for experimentation will always be fully satisfied.

It promises a sound long-term investment,

This latest LELO is 100% waterproof, rechargeable, made of high-quality silicone and has the lifespan of 10,000 disposable rings, making it the soundest long-term investment.

And is always dressed to impress.

The PINO™ comes in the most luxurious packaging featuring a pin-stripe shirt inlay and signature silver LELO cufflinks with matching money clip, engraved with the banker’s mantra Always Be Closing – it’s the ABC of banking and a more satisfying sex life for both partners.

PINO™ is available in the colors of Black and Federal Blue. Since November 1, LELO has shipped more than 10,000 products to retail stores worldwide with PINO™ now available for USD $159 at all good sex toy stores and directly from today onwards.

If you’re not inside, YOU’RE OUTSIDE.” – Gordon Gekko


It was like mainlining adrenalin.” – Jordan Belfort





The Transformer by PicoBong, the World’s First Gender-Neutral Sex Toy

PicoBong™ is launching a very interesting new product today, one that I am REALLY excited about, called the TRANSFORMER ™ Picobong_Transformer_product_black_450

When I review or purchase sex toys, my guy always tries them out too. Most of the time, they simply don’t work for both of our bodies. The ones that stay in our permanent rotation are usually ones we both find uses for. I’m really excited to try the TRANSFORMER ™ because it promises to give us something that we can enjoy together. I’ve been promised one for review, and I’ll post it the moment we’ve tried it out.

Check out the video here!

I’m going to pass along the press release right here, because they’ve described it better than I can:

World’s First Gender-Neutral Sex Toy, by PicoBong™

Pleasures Everyone regardless of Gender or Sexual Orientation

STOCKHOLM/San Jose – November 12th 2014: Swedish Sex Toy Brand PicoBong™ today reveals the world’s first truly inclusive sex toy that can be used by everyone regardless of gender or sexual preference.

The new product, called TRANSFORMER™ doesn’t care if you’re gay, straight, bi, monogamous, polyamorous, trans or cisgender or even if you prefer vanilla to something a bit spicier. It only cares that you embrace your sexuality and explore it.

The TRANSFORMER™ is the most versatile sex object in human history. It‘s a rabbit vibe, a clitoral massager, a cock-ring, a G-spot vibe, a prostate massager and more. It’s perfect for her, him, her & him, him & him, her & her, them & them.

Mauricio Garcia, PicoBong™ Head of Marketing, said: “There are toys for singles, for couples, for men and for women, but never before has anyone created a toy for everyone. The TRANSFORMER™ aims to awaken sexual exploration and make people realize they don’t need to be confined by the labels placed on them.”

60cm long and with two vibrating pleasure points at each end, the waterproof USB-rechargeable design, allows users to bend and twist it to create as many possibilities for sexual fun as they can imagine.

The TRANSFORMER™ is available for $129 from all good sex toy retailers and from

The TRANSFORMER™ will change how we view, think, and use sex toys forever and has inspired its own call to arms, a manifesto, demanding people embrace their sexuality in its entirety.

“…Male. Female. Gay. Straight. Bi. Queer. Intersex. Transgender. Cisgender. And thousands more, all of them meant to define us; instead they only confine us. 

The one thing that’s supposed to unify us – sex – is driving us apart.

Enter the Picobong Transformer.

 A sex toy that isn’t just a sex toy. It’s a sexual revolution, the vibrating underground…” 

To find out more about the TRANSFORMER and what it stands for visit


The Lelo Mega Review!

This past week, Lelo launched two new products, the Luna Smart Bead and the Ora 2. They were kind enough to send me one of each to review. Along with the toys, they also sent me a lovely gift bag full of goodies, and I’d like to review two of the products from that as well. If you decide to purchase any of these products, please use my affiliate link!

First up: The Luna Smart Bead LELO_LUNA-Smart-Bead_Product_Pink_1

This product is designed to help strengthen pelvic floor muscles. It’s a relatively small little gadget, shaped sort of like a big flattened jelly bean with a little loop on one end. The idea is you turn it on, insert it, and it buzzes to remind you to do a Kegel. It’s a very low buzz, not like vibrator strength, which takes it squarely out of the “sex toy” category.

This one really wasn’t for me, for several reasons. First: I already have some pretty damn strong pelvic muscles. The Luna Smart Bead is definitely for people who need to develop some muscle tone down there. Next reason: I couldn’t get used to wearing it around. I’m probably one of the five women on earth who doesn’t use tampons, I’m guessing those who do wouldn’t mind this as much. Last reason, (this is totally on me and not the device) I’ve been doing physical therapy for several months due to a nasty knee injury and this just felt like one more thing I had to squeeze (no pun intended) into my physical routine.

The Luna Smart Bead is battery powered, unlike most of their rechargeable products. I had some difficultly with the settings. At first I thought I’d put a bad battery in it, and went to find another one, but then I heard it buzzing by the time I came back. Also, since you fully insert it, you have to take it out and clean it off, change the setting, then reinsert it…I think? I’m fairly sure there’s something to this I’m missing. There are supposed to be 5 settings, but I can’t figure out if it’s by pushing the button or if it just gradually goes through all the speeds. I also couldn’t figure out how to turn it off, so I’ve just been taking the battery out when I’m done.

If there was ever a candidate for product with a remote control, this is it.

I can see the appeal of the Luna Smart Bead though. Kegels are really tedious, and this is a fun way to do it. I did actually find myself doing regular Kegels more often this past week just by virtue of thinking about the Luna Smart Bead. Sex-wise, we couldn’t feel any difference, because, as I said, I already have plenty of strength in that area.  Buy it here.


Next: The Ora 2.LELO_ORA-2_600x600

I love the original Ora. I did a rave review on the first version and when Lelo said they were doing an updated version, I couldn’t imagine what needed improvement. The difference between the two is like getting oral sex from someone who finally graduated from oral sex school.

The Ora 2 has a much bigger “tongue,” so much bigger that it was the first thing I noticed when I opened it. It moves so much slower and more deliberate. In comparison, the Ora is like the overeager partner that wants to get you off right now, while the Ora 2 is the more relaxed and languid lover. I held one in each hand and ran through all the cycles (ten, I believe). The vibrations seem just a bit more heavier with the newer version, but not a lot…and that’s fine. The vibe power is pretty damn strong, but pleasurable strong, not-numb-your-bits-before-you-come strong. I love this toy so hard.

The only thing I could wish for, as mentioned in my original Ora review, is a setting to make the little robot tongue simply move up and down. The only movements are circular (including semi-circular), and the up and down is my preference when I’m getting the real thing.  Buy it here.

These next two products were sent along as goodies. I wasn’t asked to review them, but I’m loving them so much that I want to tell you about them anyway. The Personal Moisturizer is a top notch water based lubricant. My partner said it felt like I was really, really wet, not lubed up. It’s not greasy, heavy, or sticky, it feels so natural. It didn’t dry out, and we didn’t have to stop and apply more. This is absolutely my new go-to lube.

The other gift I received was their toy cleaning spray. It’s antibacterial, smells clean but not like chemicals. Spray it on, wait five seconds, wipe it off. Easy peasy, and cleans very well. Love this stuff so much.

As always, many thanks to Lelo for providing me with so much lovely stuff to review!



Lelo Ora 2 Launches Today!

Lelo is announcing *another* launch today! I’m really excited about this one. I reviewed the ORA a few months ago, and it blew me away. The LELO_ORA-2_600x600ORA 2 is an upgraded version, and it promises to be even better. I’ll give my full review after I’ve had a little more time to complete an *ahem* thorough investigation.

Here’s what Lelo has to say:

Swedish luxury intimate brand LELO today reveals an update to the world’s most sophisticated oral sex simulator and the first ever sex toy to win a Cannes Lions Award, announcing the launch of the all new ORA™ 2.

The ORA™ 2 simulates the sensations of oral sex for women. Its landmark feature is a swirling nub, now enhanced for extra pleasure, that rotates beneath a thin layer of silicone, creating sensual circles and fast flicks to stimulate the clitoris, while combining surging vibrations across 10 stimulation patterns.

The ORA™ 2 is an updated improvement, featuring LELO’s SenseTouch™ technology that increases the intensity of vibrations as pressure is applied to the body. It’s the world’s most intelligent oral sex simulator, and now it’s better than ever.

ORA™ first hit the international market in January and received an unprecedented amount of media attention. The video for ORA™ is the most viral sex toy video of all time, with over a half a million views and counting, and is the first and only sex toy to ever win a Cannes Lions Award.

LELO Head of Marketing Steve Thomson said: “LELO is the industry leader and the most innovative sex toy company in the world. Our attitude is to always improve, even if products are so highly regarded as to win a Cannes Lion. With ORA™ 2 we’re once again pushing the boundaries of design to bring pleasure to individuals and couples worldwide.”

The ORA™ 2 is available for $169 USD at and all reputable sex toy retailers.


I’d love it if you use my affiliate link when you purchase your ORA2 :)

Lelo Luna Smart Bead Launches Today!

My favorite sex toy company, Lelo, is launching a new product today: The Luna Smart BeadLELO_LUNA-Smart-Bead_Product_Pink_1

So, what is the Luna Smart Bead exactly? In short, it’s a slick little device that you insert and use to help strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. Stronger muscles= better orgasms, and who doesn’t want that?

Since today is the big launch, here’s a video and some more information directly from Lelo:


LELO has some very exciting news…Women everywhere no longer have to settle for mediocre orgasms!

The Swedish sex toy brand today announced the launch of the world’s first personal pleasure training device – the LUNA Smart Bead™- which aims to help three-quarters of the world’s women achieve the level of orgasm they have always wanted.

Recent findings from the LELO Global Sex Survey and customer questionnaires reaffirm how dissatisfied women currently feel about their ability to climax, with 76% of women only experiencing ‘the wave of orgasm’ for less than six seconds, while as much as 11% have yet to experience a climax at all.
The LUNA Smart Bead™ solves this issue by setting a personal pleasure training routine according to the woman’s current orgasm potential. As one of the most advanced LELOs ever created, women wear it internally while touch-sensors set a progressive training routine that helps maximize their ability to climax.
While it is common knowledge that women take more stimulation to orgasm than men, LELO’s Global Survey reveals a number of interesting facts about the female orgasm itself:
76% of women claim their orgasm wave lasts less than six seconds
11% of women have never experienced what they would describe as a climax
Only 4% of women are ‘Fully satisfied’  with the strength of their orgasms
Only 17% of women regularly experience multiple orgasms
33% of women believe they have never experienced a multiple orgasm
LELO’s Head of Marketing, Steve Thomson said: “As the survey findings show, a huge majority of women could be enjoying more satisfying orgasms on a regular basis. But every woman is also different, so our design team developed the LUNA Smart Bead™ that uses touch-sensors to measure orgasm potential on first use. Just like all good personal trainers, it then sets a tailored routine that matches your current level and helps you improve your performance over time.”
The LUNA Smart Bead™ is already enjoying widespread praise from renowned sexual health experts globally:
Dr Ian Kerner, Sexual health expert and Author of She Comes First Said: “It’s well-known by now that Kegel exercising aids not only shorten the length of time needed to reach orgasm, but also increase its intensity and duration. A vibration-guided routine such as the one LELO is offering will help women focus on exercising in the correct way, and they will reap fantastic rewards as a result.”

The LUNA Smart Bead™, with its promise of offering longer, stronger orgasms for every woman, retails for $109 USD and is available at all major sex toy retailers or direct via


I’ll be reviewing the Luna Smart Bead within the upcoming week, so stay tuned! I also have another product announcement/review coming soon from Lelo that promises to be probably their best toy ever. As always, I’d appreciate it if you use my affiliate link when you make a purchase from Lelo.


Listen to the podcast and sign up for my newsletter

The audio from the latest Dirty Boys reading is up! You can listen to the entire show (in two parts) here, or you can listen to my portion of the evening here.

I’ve started a newsletter. I’m calling it Blind Spot for various mysterious reasons. If you want to read a bit more in depth stuff about me, subscribe. I can’t promise it will be about sex ever, or it might always be about sex. I don’t know yet. I do know that I’ve sort of lost my inspiration for writing lately, and I’m trying something new to ramp it back up. If you are only interested in reading about titties, blowjobs, or pissing or whatever, please *don’t* subscribe. This won’t be for you.

Subscribe to the newsletter here.

Fun stuff from The Dirty Boys reading in NYC

So much filthy, dirty, fun stuff happened at the latest reading! I read a few sections from “My Girlfriend Jake,” as well as a few pieces from the blog. One new thing we tried was a writing prompt. Readers sent in various prompts and photos, and we picked one by the very lovely Piper. Each of us read our interpretation of the photo below. Here’s mine, and I’ll link to the other pieces at the end. I will post links to the audio as soon as it’s available. This was a hell of a show, so many amazing stories!


prompt photo

Writing Prompt:

“Show me your new tattoo, did you get something pretty?” Daddy asked me. I stepped out of my little plaid skirt and pulled my panties down around my ankles and waited for his reaction.

“I see,” was all Daddy said. He frowned and turned away. My heart thudded so hard that for a moment, I felt like I was going to pass out.

“Growing old is a crime, eh?” he said quietly. I didn’t need to translate it for him. I stood very still as he walked in slow circles around me. He stroked his graying beard thoughtfully. He stopped in front of me and crossed his arms in front of his chest. I looked down at my feet, avoiding his gaze. Maybe I hadn’t thought this through as much as I should have.

“Did those boys you’ve been with fuck you better than me?” he growled suddenly.

“No, Daddy,” I whimpered, still not meeting his eyes.

“Did those boys punish you better? Maybe you’d be happier being the fuck toy of someone your own age?” Daddy was so angry, more than I’d ever seen.

“No Daddy,” I trembled. He paced across the room, deciding what to do with me. He stood by the open door for a moment, and I was afraid he was going to order me to leave. What had I done?

Instead, he paced back over to me, grabbing a handful of my hair. “I’ll show you what kind of punishment an old man can still inflict,” he hissed in my ear. Daddy marched me over to the bed and flung me across his lap.

I bit my lip to hold back a smile as his favorite strap whistled through the air. I’d thought this through exactly right.


Read Guy New York’s post here.

Here’s Gibson Grand’s interpretation.

And one from Jack Stratton!