Dirty Boys Reading in NYC on September 7th



Once again I’m heading to New York City and teaming up with the Dirty Boys to bring you an evening of literary debauchery. I’ll have a limited number of copies of “My Girlfriend Jake” available. If you’ve been to a reading before, please note the change in venue. If you’ve never been to a reading before, you are in for a delicious, fantastic, filthy evening.

In which Daisy posts the first chapter of the novel of doom that’s been hanging over her head

So, I’ve been puttering around on and off with this novel for a few years. I was on a roll with it when I got into a car accident last summer, and then I just kind of stopped…I had a hand injury that made it hard to type more than a little bit.

I’m trying desperately to get off my ass and finish it now that my hand is better and I’ve run out of excuses, so mostly as encouragement to myself (and a kick in the ass), I’m publishing the first chapter here. Thoughts? Keep going? Burn it to the fucking ground? I’m around 50,000 words into it, give or take:


 The House of Nobles

Lexi snatches the crimson envelope out of my hand as I try to hide it from her.

“You applied?” she asks with a smirk.

I nod.

“When did this come? Why haven’t you opened it?” Lexi shakes it in front of my face.

“A couple weeks ago, I guess,” I shrug.

“What the fuck? It’s time to find out.” Before I can protest, she rips the top from the envelope. The tear is long and jagged, the crimson envelope looks like a bloody mouth.

Lexi lets the envelope float to the floor as she unfolds the thick cream colored pages. She reads for a moment, then looks at me dramatically over the tops of her glasses as she reads aloud:


Dear Valeria,

Your application has been accepted. Please report to the Prospect selection, date and time noted below. Enclosed is your transportation ticket, waivers, and rules and regulations. Please bring all completed paperwork with you on your selection day.



Head of the Academy,

The House of Nobles


Lexi rifles through the pages and holds up a printed ticket edged in that same deep crimson.

“That’s only two days from now, Val!”

I snatch the ticket and the sheaf of papers from Lexi and throw them on the table.

“Do you even know why you want to do this?” Lexi asks me.

“I…I’ve always wanted to be a Noble,” I stutter. It’s all I can think of to say, my mind suddenly seems blank. They’ve accepted me, that’s all that matters. I can go if I want.

Lexi looks at me, eyebrow cocked, hands on her hips. “Val, a few years ago you always wanted to be a veterinarian. Before that you wanted to be a singer.” She puts her arm around my shoulder, squeezing me with a little side hug. “Sweetie, let’s be honest. You’re sort of pretty and all, but you really aren’t Noble material.”


“It’s not about being pretty, it’s about being dedicated to something, bigger than yourself,” I argue, pushing her away.

“Oh, I see. Did you take that right from the brochure?” Lexi asks sarcastically.

“Does it matter? I can’t take this anymore, this nothingness of a life. I’m sick of it all Lex, I need something else,” I fight back tears. I can’t make her understand. Lexi has a good life, an interesting job, everything comes easy to her while I can never catch a break. She’s gorgeous, people stop and stare at her long blond waves and shining blue eyes. I feel like a study in brown. Brown hair, brown eyes. Nothing sparkles or shines. Not even a dimple.

I’m tired of everything. Sitting in the same beige cubicle, answering the same beige plastic phone, listening to the same complaints. I’m tired of trudging home under murky gray skies, watching the world flicker by one channel at a time. I’m tired of the unceasing chatter. I don’t care what movie star fucked who, or what new weapon is being developed in what might as well be a galaxy far, far away.

“What about Ryan? What does he think about all this?” she asks, folding her arms.

Ryan. Shit. Continue reading

Ora by Lelo Review

Oh. My. God. I’m absolutely blown away.LELO-ORA-Midnight Blue-Clitoral Vibrator_1

Okay, honestly I agreed to review the Lelo Ora for the novelty. Lelo makes a damn fine line of products, but this one was so bizarre that I had to see it for myself.

It’s an oral sex simulator. A tiny pussy licking robot tongue. It’s almost spooky to watch the little disembodied tongue tip swirl around in a circle underneath the surface.

It’s shaped more like a bangle bracelet than anything. It’s rounded, the controls are on one side, the tongue area on the other. It’s actually the perfect shape to hold between your legs, totally hands free.

As with the other toys by Lelo, this one has several different speeds and settings, and is fully rechargeable. The “tongue” goes either around in a full circle, or in a half circle,accompanied by different strengths and patterns of vibrations. After playing with the settings awhile, I decided I would really have liked an up and down motion as well.

This is a toy to inflict on the very, very bad (or very, very good). It’s pure foreplay, and not just sorta-getting-warmed-up kind. This is the full blown, panty soaking, begging for sex type of foreplay. Two minutes in and I’m dripping wet and dying for a good fucking, I’ve never had that with a sex toy before. This would be the perfect toy for tying someone up, ordering her to hold it between her thighs, and then coming back in five or ten minutes to a quivering, wet mess, ripe for fucking.

So what does it really feel like? Not quite like a real tongue, I don’t think I’d ever mistake it for one. It’s more of a gentle, roving pressure, maybe like a light swipe of a finger. Coupled with the powerful vibrations, it doesn’t fall into that numbing, droning type of toy that you numb to in a matter of minutes. It’s exciting, there’s a little anticipation there while you wait for the next pass.

Could I come from this? So far, no, but that’s not a deterrent in the least. (My partner has an oral fetish, so the bar is set *very* high.) This has some super strong foreplay mojo. Use it either by yourself to finish off with a different toy, or to get revved up for that special someone.The Ora is in a class all its own.

If you wouldn’t mind buying this using my affiliate link, I’d love you forever :)













Fiction: Tony B.

Tony B.

I was the bouncer and assistant manager at Starzz. Rachel. That girl. I had to bail her ass out of trouble all the fucking time. “Honey,” I’d tell her, “you gotta stop going off with the fucking clients. At least get more cash outta them.” Some of the girls did that, I’d look the other way.

I really wanted a split of her profits, but she didn’t get it. I had to get Tiff to explain it to her. She was already going by Zara then. Fucking beautiful, so young, but not a goddamn clue. Couldn’t dance for shit either, but she’d suck a dick for a fucking buck. She sucked me off a few times. Nothing special, but she had enthusiasm. Yeah. I banged nearly all those chicks back in the day. Those were the fucking days, man.

Anyways. Yeah.

Kid could have been a fucking doctor or lawyer, she could do all kinds of math in her head. I think she was still in college back then. We didn’t ever have no college girl before. Most of our dancers were single moms or junkies hanging off of one side of the wagon or another. I don’t know what the fuck she was doing here. I didn’t hire her, the old man did. Pervert. Anyways, she helped me with the count sometimes. I’d be sittin’ there with a calculator and a million scraps of fucking paper, and she’d have it all figured out before I could finish putting all the numbers in. I double checked her math the first couple times, but after that I took her word for it.

“Baby,” I’d tell her, “You should be at one of those high class joints, like Stiletto’s there over on Fifth Street.” She seemed to like it here though. I don’t know why.

Had to tell her to dumb it down with the clients. Scary fucking smart, but that’s not why guys came in you know. They didn’t want homework help, they wanted to get their dicks hard, see some chicks taking off their clothes. Titties. They wanted titties and pussy. Zara had some nice fucking titties. She didn’t need no implants or nothing.
I told Tiff take her out to get them contact lenses, but the clients started complaining. They liked her glasses. She looked like a fucking librarian. I didn’t like that shit, I like my girls to have a little glitz, you know, but, hey, they was the ones paying. I was just the bouncer, what the fuck did I know, right?

I’d love to say that she got discovered at Starzz, maybe it would still be open. Maybe it coulda been a classy place. Champagne instead of pitchers of beer. Real fucking headliners coming in. But she didn’t. She moved out to LA before that. I did make some money off Ebay though. Had some old shit lying around, some old costume shit that I ended up with when the place closed, some things she’d written on. Made a few bucks from that. I sold it too early, though. I should have waited.

Excerpt from my new Kindle book: “Banged by the Band”

It was silly, really.

I knew the Angel Boyzz had aged right along with me, and it had been a long damn time since I was sixteen. Back then, I’d have been able to tell you their birthdays, favorite colors, and shoe sizes. Every teenage girl in the world had all that information memorized, myself included. Their glowing, flawless faces smiled and winked at me from my locker, from the posters on my bedroom wall, and sang me to sleep as I played their songs over and over (and over.)

That was a long time ago, a different lifetime. I’d had my heart broken and mended so many times since then, I couldn’t even tell the scars apart anymore. This latest scar was fresh enough though. Jeff had unceremoniously dumped me six months before our fourth wedding anniversary, and the sting hadn’t quite faded away.

Things used to be so much simpler, didn’t they?

A crush on a boy band was safe, fodder for so many innocent fantasies. They were just there, singing their hearts out to you, not fucking your best friend while you were away on a business trip.

So when the DJ on the radio said they were giving away VIP tickets to an Angel Boyzz Reunion Cruise, I felt weirdly compelled to dial the number. My hands shook as I punched in the number, an icy trickle of sweat inched down my back. When the DJ said “Kerry, you are the fifteenth caller, YOU WIN!” I shrieked into the phone and jumped up and down like I hadn’t done for years. It felt good to be excited like that again, that jolt of pure unbridled joy. Continue reading

Excerpt from “My Girlfriend Jake”

Jake’s laying on the bed, he gasps when I walk in from the bathroom.my girlfriend cover small

“Oh,” is all he says, not with disappointment, but with wonder and delight. “Oh,” he says again, then grabs me by the hips and pulls me on top of him.

I notice Jake’s stubble is gone, he’s baby-faced, smooth, for me. I let him pull the white t-shirt up over my head.

Caressing me slowly, he traces his fingers across my breasts so delicately that it almost tickles. He looks at me, really looks at me, seeing me with different eyes. He runs a warm palm over my curves, lingering over my hip, my thigh.  I close my eyes and remember my first time with a woman, how frightened and excited I was. I was afraid to touch her, I thought I would break her, and this is how Jake is touching me now.

He takes a nipple into his mouth, but he doesn’t bite. The tip of his tongue flutters against me and he sucks lightly, pinching my other nipple gently. I did that to my girlfriend, wanting to love her and hurt her all in the same moment.

At the moment where we’d usually cut to the chase and fuck, he slows down even more. He drifts across my body, kissing and rubbing long neglected spots. I grab handfuls of the bed sheets, writhing under him.

I long to reach up, to take a pair of breasts in my hands, to explore the sweet triangle between a woman’s legs. Rising up, I gently suck one of Jake’s nipples, rubbing his crotch over the top of the panties. Our lips finally meet, and hungrily we kiss.

I spread my legs for him, wanting him to thrust his cock in me, but he doesn’t. Instead he inserts a finger, drawing it in and out excruciatingly slow. One hand rests on my thigh, as if to say “settle in, darling, we’re spending a long time right here.”

It’s been a long time since anyone teased me this long and sensuously. Jake reaches over, grabs my purple vibrator and switches it on. He presses it against my clit, traces around my pussy, everything except inserting it.

I’m losing my mind.

“Would you like to watch me?” I whisper into his ear. Wordlessly, he presses the vibrator into my hand. He’s been asking for this for a long time, and I’ve denied him, wanting to save something for only myself. But now, this moment, it seems right.

The vibrator hums loudly as I crank the power up and thrust it into myself. I’ve only let him see me masturbate once before this, but it was a long time ago. Eagerly, he shifts around on the bed for a better view.

I spread wider, drawing the vibrator in and out of my pussy with one hand, rubbing my clit in slow circles with the other hand. Jake is mesmerized, I catch and meet his eyes, he seems almost embarrassed by the sudden intimacy. His cock pushes against the panties, but he ignores it.

I’m excited by him watching, much more than I thought I would be. I feel the wet spot spreading out underneath me, the tiny splashes as I fuck myself. Jake’s breath is heavy. Maybe a little too theatrically, I thrash and moan, but he doesn’t notice the exaggeration.

“Come here,”  I say softly.

Jake edges closer to me, I take his hand and guide it over the top of my other hand clenched around the vibrator. Together we thrust it in and out of my pussy.

“Kiss me,” I say.

Jake leans over and kisses me deeply. I dart the very tip of my tongue past his teeth and out again. The next time, he catches my tongue and sucks it lightly. We fuck me more urgently, our hands clasped together, slick from my juices. I moan into his mouth, no theatrics this time. He pulls away a little.

“I wanna watch you come,” he whispers. I nod.

Jake sits back, releasing his grip on the vibrator, letting me take back complete control. Faster and faster, I force the vibrator in and out. I let my mind wander to when I used to fuck my girlfriend like this, watching, waiting for the little flexes of tension in her belly, when my mouth would meet her cunt to lap up the juices I made her spill. How I would kiss her, our faces hot and sticky with each other.

“Fuck it,” I hear him say from someplace far away.

I feel Jake take the vibrator from my hand, he’s inside me now, the panties pulled down just enough to release his cock. I’m so wet that his cock nearly slides all the way out of me. His hand grips the hair on the nape of my neck, I reach around and grab his hair too.

“I’m so close,” I gasp, and the words are barely out of my mouth when I erupt.

You know you wanna read the rest of this. Buy it here on Amazon, and don’t forget to leave a review.   In the UK? Buy it here! 

Cover art by the fabulous Yao Xiao.


New Kindle Book- Banged By The Band

As a self-publishing writer, it never hurts to experiment. Several of my writer friends have published books under other pseudonyms than their usual ones, so I tried it. Result: Fail. So I took my *other* fake name off it and re-published it under my own.

This is a fun little fantasy story about a woman who wins a cruise with the boy band she used to worship back in high school. I think the title gives maybe a little of the plot away. You can buy it here for US Kindle. In the UK? Buy it here.